“Security is an illusion. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” - Anonymous

Little did we know that our Croatia luck was about to end.

First, we got our last Dubrovnik crepes at our favorite little breakfast stop, and there was a new lady who didn't put sugar on my banana crepe and put Whitney's chocolate sauce on top rather than inside. I know, disaster. It was just an omen of what was to come. Then, we missed our bus to our next destination, Split, by two minutes because the lady at the counter had to take a potty break right when we got to the front of the line. It was the only time of day when the bus doesn't run every 20-30 minutes. Whit tried to buy a Coke Light, and that lady shut the window in her face to arrange the ice cream. Dubrovnik is beautiful, their Greyhound-esque bus station isn't. We waited on the ground for an hour and a half, and then hopped on our coach. Our driver was not messing around. It was a very long five hour bus ride, and he was in control the whole time. We were speeding over the bridges, no turns could slow us down, and "No toilet!" as he said. We thought emailing our final wishes to our husbands would be a little worrisom, but it probably wouldn't have been too dramatic. When we got on the bus, Whitney asked me what my highlight of the day was so far, and the only bright part so far was the delicious bagel chips I had purchased as my bus snack.

The only good thing about the bus ride is that we drove through Bosnia for about 15 minutes. There was a border check and everything, so now I have been to Bosnia. Not something I thought I would ever say.

We finally made it to the hot, sticky, stinky city of Split, Croatia. A nice man was waiting for us at the bus station to take us to our hotel, so things were looking up for about five minutes... until we got to the hotel.

The room we stayed in did not match the description at all. We had a double room, yes. There is no wifi or AC. They did promise us a seating area, and they delivered... we have a folding chair in the corner. 

  

List of things wrong with our hotel:

The entire toilet seat fell off of the toilet the first time I tried to sit on it. After that we had to hover.  


 
Our bath towels are otherwise known as hand towels.

There was a window to the street, without a window covering, in the shower. At a very convenient height. The shower head fell on Whitney's head. And we didn't have any hot water after the first day. 

The lights turned on only when they wanted to. 

The closet door collapsed on me. 

My sheets looked like I was getting ready for a pap smear. 

Our bedroom door was made of glass. CLEAR GLASS. There was no lock on the outside door, so the only thing between us and a crazy, murderous Croat was a glass door. 

There was no garbage can. So we made a garbage pile under Whit's bed.

 

Our sink wasn't big enough to fill a water bottle. 

 

The window in our bedroom with sheer curtains and a little trail right to it to save our friendly murderer from having to enter through the front door. 



After discussing all of these issues, we looked at each other and decided to google map the address on the confirmation. It turns out the address is 4.4 kilometers away. We were sure we were scammed and that, assuming we aren't murdered in the middle of the night, we should launch a full investigation in the morning.

We walked, found the beach since that is a number one priority, and then had dinner. The service wasn't just terrible, we were actually ignored. We hadn't showered or done our makeup and had ridden a Croatian bus for five hours. So, it was confirmed, we were too ugly to be served in Croatia.

At dinner, Whitney asked me again what my highlight of the day was. It was still the bagel chips.